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Real Housewives of Atlanta: Kim Sings, I Die More Inside

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Sure I’m a little late on my thoughts on this weeks episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, but I’ve been busy sitting down and stuff. Anyway, I almost want to get rid of everyone else on Real Housewives, except Kim and Nene. Ok, maybe Sheree can stay, but only because she’s the Claire Huxtable of the show.

This week we got to watch the multi-talented Kim perform for us. And by “multi-talented” I am, of course, referring to her magical ability to both smoke, drink, sing, and keep her wig from falling off her head while performing these difficult tasks. Listening to Kim sing in front of her voice coach is like listening to a political conversation between 2 homeless people. You can stand there and try to listen, but all you can really hear is their teeth literally falling out of their mouths. Anyone?

Does anyone want to join me in the intervention I’m currently planning for Kim? Sign up now, please. Kim is barely in a scene without her glass of white-trash white zinfandel. She might as well just pour that shit in a clear plastic cup. At one point I’m pretty sure I saw Kim sitting in her car and drinking and then later just leaving the lingerie store with her infamous glass.

Meanwhile, speaking of drunks, Nene gets three sheets to the wind and sings a beautiful song about Kim whilst in the limo with her and her friends. They’re all laughing, but later condemn Nene for the song and pretend they didn’t know it was about Kim. When Nene sang that “she says she’s 29, but she looks 89….” that didn’t give it away?

Later, Kim hits the recording studio with Dallas Austin (which I just realized are two places in Texas….thanks 5th grade Social Studies class!!), but not before she puts on an actual white top hot because, you know, that helps the voice. Kim starts belting out a song that was originally written for Cher and when she hears the playback of her song, her eyes start to fill up. My eyes were filling up to, but mainly because when I was pouring bleach into my ears some of it spilled into my eyes.

Before the episode ends, Sheree and Kim head out to lunch and, to no surprise, are also drinking. Kim lets Sherre know that she’s beautiful about 15 times because somehow being attractive equates to being a good person….in Kim’s eyes. Dallas Austin shows up to discuss Kim’s vocal coach and at one point I’m pretty sure that Kim said she asked her how to spell “cat” to which Kim literally responded, “K-A-T.” Wow. Good luck to the children of Kim.

All the girls decide to turn their fat backs on Nene, but Kim was the worst and text messaged her “bon voyage” message to Nene calling her a “low budget bitch.” Wow. Well. Isn’t that the white trash pot calling the animated kettle black!

What did you crackheads think of the most recent episode? Discuss.