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Teen Mom 2 Reunion Madness Recap: The Very Best of Barb

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It’s a real treat from the Teen Mom gods when they pull together a clip show of old highlights from past reunions.  It’s like when The Golden Girls used to go down memory lane when they didn’t feel like filming new episodes.  Just me?

It’s always nice to see all the different heads that Chelsea sported throughout the years and who doesn’t love to see all the different baby daddies Jenelle would bring to the reunions.  Of course, my favorite parts are all the ugly cries (hi Leah!) and pretty much anything and everything that comes out of Barb’s mouth.  I also love to see the different outfits she’d most likely ‘borrow’ from Walmart to dazzle us with.  I mean, look at that hot little peek-a-boo number she’s wearing in the above photo?  Ooo la la, ya lil b*tch.  I am, of course, upset that once again Dr. Drew gets center stage when I feel like I would be way better hosting this junk.  In fact, (insert self promotion) I interviewed Kail recently for an upcoming Facebook Show that’ll be debuting soon (check back for more details) where she recommended I host the reunion instead.  I mean, we were both drinking so who knows.

All my #TeenMom dreams came true today, interviewing @kaillowry for an upcoming Facebook Show! Take THAT Dr. Drew!

A post shared by Patrick (ibbb) (@patrickvarone) on


Anyway, you know who I almost forgot about?  Jenelle’s ex Andrew.  AND I for sure forgot he was on the reunion fidgeting around and looking like a cross between The Real World’s ‘Puck’ and a retro John Travolta.  It’s a real toss up.  Barb wasn’t having any of Andrew’s excuses on why he never came and saw “this here baby.” I totally miss “this here baby.”  It really was simpler times.  Barb even started naming off all the holidays “that she knew of” where Andrew never came to visit Jace.  She skipped around a bunch of them and then somehow landed on Halloween and the audience squealed with delight.  Oh, and did we know that Andrew allegedly hit Jenelle in the past?  I say ‘allegedly’ but I’m pretty sure he admitted it during the reunion.

Bonus points for Barb’s bangs really starting at the tippity-top of her scalp.

I also didn’t remember how many times Chelsea and Adam had broken up and then hooked up again in, like, somewhat recent times…or at least a couple of years ago.  I also think this may be the most I’ve ever written about Chelsea.  Moving on.

It was really nice to relive Jenelle laughing over how ridiculous it was that she wanted to postpone her jail time because she had tickets to that Kesha concert.  I say thank God for that because it really made Kesha household name.  I would, however, rather see Barb singing ‘We R Who We R’ whilst working the customer service counter at Walmart right into the overhead speaker system.  I can dream, can’t I?

However, one of the best scenes was when Briana was out on stage with her ex and Brittany came busting out to cuss him out screaming that she wishes he’d do something.  Things escalated quickly and that’s when Roxanne came busting out from backstage dressed like La Isla Bonita in red pumps and took one off to throw before she was stopped.  It really was the Jerry Springer moment we were all waiting for.  I’d say nothing could be any worse than that, but rumor has it that someone pulls a knife out at the upcoming Teen Mom 2 reunion so, well, more on that later.

There’s always so much ugly crying on these reunions which really is a treat for both the eyes and the ears.  I say the ears too because you can always appreciate a mix of crying and hiccups.  I really should create a TM2 Reunion BINGO game.  Eh, I’m too lazy.  Someone else do it and give me credit.

Other things I want to know.  Is Dr. Drew’s hair real?  I don’t care whether it is or not, but I just want to know and, well, I think America wants to know.  I say release that info before Trump releases those JFK files.  I’m more intrigued.  Also, do you think he sports those t-shirts with his blazers just to spite me?  He does, right?

In the end, my favorite reunion moment of all time was just last season where around 10 minutes were filmed outside of the reunion where Jenelle and David basically kidnapped Jace in the parking lot, David threatened to beat up security that was blocking his car, and Barb was called over to some random hotel in West Hollywood where Jace was holed up.  She was shaking, and smoking cigs, and yelling “someone get me my pockabook, man!”  Meanwhile, Jenelle was calling the producer Kristen from the balcony and we could still see her hiding.  I say, just show us more of this type of footage and leave the regular show alone.

Let’s just leave it there.

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