America’s Next Top Model: Thumb a Ride Abroad!

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J-J-Jenny is back to recap the crap out of America’s….Next….Top…..Model. Here’s what she brilliant stated went down on last nights crapisode:
  • I may be showing my age here…but Stacey sounds like that chick that was in Kate’s fashion class on Double Trouble…”It’s like my mama always used to say…..”
  • Hot damn, Fatima is screwed. She doesn’t have a Visa and can’t leave the country….Umm, hello?? Where the hell have you been Fatima? For the past NINE seasons the girls have been venturing overseas. What did you think was going to happen here, you would all head the fashion capital of Boise, ID? Sorry Tennessee.
  • Mean-a Paulina is going to show the girls how to interview people. She pretends to be a person of interest, and the girls have to engage her. This is painful to watch. I hate it. Next.
  • Lauren borderline chops her thumb off making potato pancakes. She better pray that this week’s photo shoot isn’t channeling her inner Fonzi. But with Tyra behind the wheel, this is highly likely. Ayyyyyyyyy…………
  • Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Tyra has sent the girls a box of lemons and limes. Ok.
  • The models have to work the red carpet for fashion designer Jay Godfrey. Stacey is asked “Does Tyra intimidate you?” by the interviewer. Stacey says, “No.” Liar. Tyra intimidates everyone. Everyone. Tyra is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Dominique says she is wearing Jay GIORGIO. Tyra is going to give her the switch when she finds out about this one.Anya wins the competition and appears in a photo shoot naked with lemons, limes and Sprite. I bet Tyra is pissed she didn’t think of this first. Sweet, Anya gets $10,000 too! Can I have it?
  • The girls think they are going to the airport to jet to a foreign country. They pack their bags like they are fleeing for their lives. HOWEVER, the jokes on you fools…you’re just doing a photo shoot at the airport!
  • Fatima gets her travel documents! Phew…I thought they were going to make her find her way abroad via inner-tube. In which case she better hope she doesn’t run into Janet Reno.
  • After the photo shoot, they head into the hangar, and who is there, but Tyra and the judges. Dun-Dun-Dunnnnnnnnn……..Tyra states that Fatima is missing, and states that Fatima is not dressed up like the other girls, and has not participated in the photo shoot. Thanks captain obvious.
  • Now, we all know that Tyra tells us “modeling is acting like a ho and making it fashion.” This week we learn that modeling is “I’m all that, and you’re not.” What grade is Tyra in? Moments later, Tyra teaches Lauren how to chop onions by bending her fingers. Is there anything Tyra can’t do?
  • Tyra knocks Whitney down a notch by saying she is too much like a pageant girl. Tyra mocks “I wanna save the world! And The Iraq!” Seriously, The Iraq?
  • Tyra says she is surprised by how well Anya did at the challenge, mingling and chatting with the others…Tyra thought people would say, “That’s such a weird accent!” Way to discriminate. At least she doesn’t call it The Iraq.
  • Stacey doesn’t get to board the plane and head “overseas” to Rome, Italy. Maybe she can borrow Lauren’s big bandaged thumb and hitch a ride home. Eh, don’t be sad Stacey, international travel is dangerous anyway. Most countries hate Americans. Especially The Iraq.