Being Barbara Recap: The Laugh Heard Round the World

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If you were ever looking for a sign of hope in the world during these troubling times, well, it appeared last night.  I truly believe one day we will equate this to when those two little girls saw the Virgin Mary appear to them in Fatima.  You know the ones.  Either way, MTV gave us what I will only categorize as the best earliest Christmas present I ever received when they aired a one time only special titled “Being Barbara.”  To be honest it’s everything you thought it would be and more.  And. So. Much. More.

I mean, who really needs to see one more scene of Jenelle or Chelsea?  We totally get their storyline at this point.  So it only makes sense that we dive into Barbara, or “Barbarino” as apparently the producers call her.  And, well, I’m thankful for that.  Basically what happened is they filmed Barb for 1 week and just let the hijinks ensue.  I have so many questions and most likely have to watch it again (and again) because I found myself laughing right along with Barb the entire time.  Oh, and what is with that laugh?  That glorious laugh?!  Any time Barb gets uncomfortable she literally cackles for about 2 minutes, repeats the joke she just said, cackles again and slightly bends over and puts her hands up.  Oh you, you you.  You are the wind beneath my wings. Flyyyyyyyyyyyy.  Flyyyyyyyyyyyy.  So high I almost touched the sky.  Thank you, thank you.  Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.  End scene.

They kick things off with Barb going to the consignment store so she can get a new dress because she wants to throw herself into the dating pool.  Actually, I’m not entirely sure.  I think she wants to date, but she just keeps saying she’s looking for a “companion” and someone to take her to dinner once in a while.  For sure she does not want someone moving into her god damn house and making her pay all the god damn bills.  Oh and I also learned that she loves dropping the word “dude” and “man” after almost every sentence. Example:  “I need a guuuy who wants to take me to dinnah and, you know, like do stuff maaaaan.”  She also drops her voice down a few notches when she talks like this.   Like she’s doing a character.  I’d like to go on the record stating I’m ok with all of this.  I like character voices and I like Barb.  So it’s really the perfect mix.

You know what I was a little confused with?  Her daughter Ashleigh.  At least I think that’s how you spell it.  She was in the consignment store with Barb helping her pick out clothes, but I’m not sure they ever really said who she was at first.  Moreover, was she wearing a wig?!  I mean, was she actually in disguise in case this filming went bad?  Honestly I wasn’t sure if she was getting ready to appear on a scandalous episode of Sally Jessie Raphael or if she has that unfortunate disease where she can’t grow hair.  Either way, I’m totally intrigued.  By the end, Barb finally did find a dress that she loves (even after coming out of the dressing room with her jeans around her ankles and a spandex dress on).  It may not have been perfect for “catching a man” but she was all abuzz over this flowing blue dress she called her “reunion dress” because she thought that Dr. Drew would really like it on her.  She even gave us dialogue that went something like, “And Dr. Drew will say, ‘Oh Baaaabra what a beautiful dress you got there!”  Good old Barb!

I’m not fully sure of the order, as I was in awe the entire time, but at one point Barb walked us through her doing her own hair and makeup.  It was really a dream come true.  Oh and did I mention she was actually shaving her face for us on national television?  Slow clap for that pioneer, I tell ya!  She let us know that once she went to get her eyebrows waxed and the woman told her that she had hair all over her face.  In fact, I’m pretty sure Barb was trying to do an Asian accept as she told the story, but quickly gave up realizing it probably wouldn’t come out so well.  Either way, Barb explains that menopause is a real bitch and she has to shave with an electric shaver.  Apparently it also hurts because every two seconds Barb shouts out a “Ouch!  Sh*t that hurts!” and then she laughs right into the camera.  Her tip?  Drink a couple of glasses of wine beforehand to numb your face to the pain.  #Pioneer #BeautyTips #PleaseDontEverLetThisEnd

Later Barb goes to get her hair actually done because she and the producer (who I actually like) are going out to the marina to meet some men so Barb can find “true love.”  I actually feel like Barb is more excited about her new kitchen counters and that tile that goes “all the way up to the ceiling” than she is trying to land a man, but she’s a good sport.  The salon is great because we get to see Barb with a wet head and, well, if you’re as sick as me you just crossed this off your Bucket List.  She tells the hairstylist that she’s hoping to land a man who has a big boat and I actually don’t think it’s an innuendo for anything.  She actually wants a big boat.  The hairstylist does her hair to the nines and Barb is in love with it.  She tells the stylist she should go back to her because she has to head out to “LA next week to meet with her good friend ‘Dr. Drew.”  She is clearly smitten.  Barb then gets lost on her way out of the salon and basically goes into their break-room before she cackles and says, “Ooops I just had a senior moment!”  There is no doubt in my mind that MTV mad the perfect choice in filming and airing this special. I’ve never been more proud of them.

Sure there was a phone call fight with Jenelle about custody of Jace, but….yawn.  All I know is that Barb and the producer are ready to head into the marina bar to meet men….but not before some random girl on the street stops Barb and screams, “Oh my God are you Barbara Evans from Teen Mom?”  Barb just goes, “Oh hi yeah.  So, uh, do you live around heeeeaaaah?”  The girl is literally starstruck and, you know what, I would be too.  Barb is beaming with pride as she walks into that bar.

Here’s the funny thing.  Once they’re in the bar, Barb is actually timid and shy and is afraid to go up to any guys to talk to them. Truth be told, there really were only 2 guys in the bar and their faces were blurred out.  Somehow the conversation turned into the trend that men are now shaving their testicles and Barb literally can’t stop laughing.  She’s doubled over laughing and laughing for what seems like 3 full minutes.  And when the producer asks her if she wanted to go up and talk to some guy, Barb just goes, “Should I see if he wants to use my little shaaavvvvah?”  And then she laughs again for another 3 full minutes.  Please note:  I am fine with all of this laughter.  In fact, I’d like more.  I’d be good with 40 minutes of laughter and 20 minutes of actual show.

Barbarino lets us know that as soon as guys know she’s on Teen Mom no one wants to talk to her because they don’t want to be on camera.   She says if they don’t know she’s on Teen Mom then everyone will go up to her.  Additional fun facts:  Barb is 63 years old and when asked where her accent is from she says it’s from the “Planet Unique.”  She then quickly says, “Well it’s like a little Boston accent” and then says, “So I pahhked my caaaah in the paaaahking lot at Haaaavard.”  Everyone squeals with delight, but I’m squealing with delight since the actual phrase is “I parked my car in Harvard Yard.”  I think we should all start saying Barb’s phrase instead.

In the end, Barb comes home tipsy and after two seconds Jenelle is like, “Uh are you drunk?”  Jenelle even smirked a little thinking that this was pretty fun.  Now don’t get me wrong I really like when those two go at it, but it’s also fun to see them getting along and joking.  Even when Jenelle tried to bring up custody again Barb just said she wasn’t going to fight with her…and they really didn’t.  Also, Jenelle looked different without her eyelashes on.  Just a note.

Overall I loved this special and would watch up to 6 episodes of this per year.  I need to know more about Jenelle’s sister, who the father is, and I’d like to see Barb busy at work in Walmart.  Oh, and I loved when she tried online dating on a site that is dedicated to Sea Captains (for real) and Barb said they all looked like they smell and she was pretty sure she’s seen some of them at Walmart.  So good.  I really do hope Barb finds love and I hope she never stops laughing…and laughing….and laughing.

Clearly this episode was packed full of so many great things that, most likely, I missed in this recap.  So before you yell at me over that, just add them to the comments below and let’s let this recap live on and on and on.