I feel like I’ve said this before, but I honestly don’t know what this show is about anymore, what the timeline is, and what is actually going on. Am I the only one? Either way, this entire crapisode centers around everyone getting ready to film the reunion. I’m sorry now, are we talking about the upcoming reunion or the reunion from last year? Is there a time machine I need to hop into for this to make sense? The only reunion I want to see is The Facts of Life reunion and please, dear Lord, let Pippa be there. Anyone?
Everyone seems to be sassin’ and frettin’ per usual over the fact that Javi may be dating Briana. Isn’t he supposed to be war-bound? Or is that over now that North Korea is suddenly our new BFF? Moreover, does anyone else think this North Korea stuff is basically just one big trick and we’ll all be licking missiles before we know it? Until that happens, Leah is freaked because I think she thinks Briana is going to play “face punches” with Leah’s new teeth since she’s the one who spilled the pork-n-beans to Kail about that whole Javi situation that, to be honest, it honestly the absolute worst. The only person I want to see Javi dating is either Barb (of course) or Suzi. How insane would that be?! He’s like, “I’m your new dad, Kail!” Please manifest that.
Speaking of Leah, I’d like to go on record and state that this is the best she’s ever looked on this series in the history of ever. I feel like she finally found a weave that isn’t fried, wasn’t at the bottom of the Halloween bin at Walgreens, and actually matches her real hair. I’m proud of her. Plus, those teeth all match too. Good for her. Something tells me Corey may be lurking around her house more and more. There’s a beaver joke in there somewhere (twice), but I’m pretty tired. Plus, I’m missing the Vanderpump Reunion and, well, I’m blaming all of you for that. I jest. It’s on my DVR and my VCR. I have both.
Meanwhile, Kail is freaking because she has to take her newest baby with her to the reunion and she never got him any of his vaccinations yet. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s too young or if it’s because she just finally named him after 3-months so her priorities were out of whack. All I do know is that she is NOT having it that while in hair, mane, and makeup Briana is sharing a room with her. She complains to Larry (I didn’t realize he was so wee) that she wants her own room where Bone and her baby can be alone. I mean. How have I missed Bone up until this point?! Also, bone. This is my favorite Bone since Stabone from Growing Pains. Simpler times.
It looks like even Barb made the reunion! I love how she’s sitting in the lobby waiting for all her TV friends to arrive and when she sees Leah wheel by with her luggage and child she just goes, “Oh hi Leah” and then turns to look directly into the camera before giving her a hug. Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it. How Barb isn’t used to the cameras by now is beyond me, but she makes me so happy inside and outside. Inside in my heart and outside on my face. That’s how that works.
Jenelle won’t be talking with Barb (as far as we know) so she’s just lounging talking to Briana about how she feels that they’re all in “Mean Girls” except not “out loud.” I’m not quite sure what that means, but I’m sure there’s a little meth just below the surface. I’ve also decided that everyone just looks better in life with professional hair and makeup. I think everyone should have their own stylist so, you know, the rest of society can all hit “tilt” in unison on the “I-Am-Not-Enough-o-Meter.” Oh, there’s no way to seamlessly transition this, but did anyone else seem confused when Leah laughed and said she sometimes wakes her kids up by dumping water on their heads? I guess if it was good enough for Jon Benet…
Since I still don’t understand this show, suddenly I’m seeing Gary and Kristina walk in from Teen Mom OG and I see Butch just sitting alone in the middle of a room. Am I dreaming this? It’s a decent dream. As if things couldn’t get any better, I see Barb on crutches. Kail and Jo are concerned about Barb and she lets us know that she fell at Walmart. I mean. Poor thing. She says she doesn’t really need the crutches, but she may need them after the long day. She then mutters under her breathe that she doesn’t want to hurt herself after having a few drinks. They should have just ended it all right there! I couldn’t love Barb any more than I do! Let’s all wish her a speedy recovery! Does anyone know her? Me either.
Later there’s some party that’s being filmed and Jenelle tries to buy Maci (she’s there too) a shot, but they’re all trying to give the shots to Barb. As they should. David is getting out of control and gets pissed off when MTV runs out of beer so he leaves to get his own and pops all the balloons on the way out. Did you see the faces of everyone around him? They looked like they thought they could catch Vitiligo. He’s a goon.
Finally, in the end it’s a new day and another reunion is being filmed. Huh? Whatever. Kail and Briana end up in the same hair and makeup room and finally have it out. Neither of them are really making sense and then Roxanne enters the room (yes!) and when Kail starts to sass Roxy, Briana isn’t having it and she demands that Kail not disrespect her mother. At one point Kail calls Briana ‘ratchet’ and that’s when Brittany enters the room (another yes!) and tells Kail to watch her mouth and that she herself (Brittany) is the ratchet sister. Slow clap all around. She then said the standard reality show fight quote “She don’t know who the F she’s messing with.” Please see Theresa Guidice from the table flip scene during the season finale of season 1 of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. I’m basically like reality show Wikipedia.
I have to admit, I kind of like an episode where they’re all in it together and not on their same old boring storylines. Nice job MTV! Next week looks good when Brittany is yelling for Kail to come out from hiding and Barb is screaming at Jenelle. Hooray!