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Teen Mom 2 Recap: When Nathan Can’t Do Abs, Jenelle Goes to Jail

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Ah young love! It’s so innocent and sweet. Remember when times were similar and you would drive around stalking your ex when they wouldn’t answer the phone? I’m sure you miss those days as much as you miss the results of how you look with braces and a laser background for your school pictures. Welp, Jenelle is still reliving her youth so it only makes sense that she’s driving around, hysterically crying, and looking for Nathan. Apparently he won’t answer any of her 3,034 calls even though they supposedly did “naughty-bang-bang” the night before. I’m sure she couldn’t resist his Cabbage Patch-like face and he couldn’t resist her sexy and outgoing personality. #PigsInHeat

Jenelle finally stalks Nathan down at his gym and he is less than pleased that she’s showed up. Not only does Jenelle want answers at the gym she wants to know if “the other girl” is inside the gym. Damn “permission to film” forms! You know if MTV were allowed to film in that gym Jenelle would have gone in like the Tasmanian Devil and tornadoed her way through looking for Nathan’s side piece.

Sadly, none of the happened so Jenelle is forced to drive home and ugly cry the whole way. Here’s the thing….the cry isn’t like “Oh I’m pissed at this situation.” Nope. Those are tears of absolute devastation and rejection that Jenelle just can’t handle. She basically cries the whole way home and then once she’s home again. Nathan finally shows up and he tries to explain why he was so mad. Wanna know the reason? Of course you do. Are you ready for it? Ready? Go ahead, run to the bathroom quickly if you need to. I’ll wait. You back? Good. Welcome. He was mad because, and I quote, “I didn’t even get to do abs!” I know, I know. We’ve all been there.

They actually start to talk normally for 4 seconds and then Jenelle does that thing that many girls do that totally F’s up the whole thing. She wants to know “where is this relationship going?” Absolute death. Then she starts raising her voice when Nathan doesn’t know. She starts yelling that it’s confusing and then she tells us info that none of us need to know at all like, “Well you were here last night with your boner pressed up against my back.” Ok, so I have a couple of things with that one. First off, um please don’t tell us that again. Second, maybe it was a gun and he was just trying new and innovative ways to rob you. And third, be grateful it was just pressed up against your back because if he got any lower Kaiser could be playing patty cakes with a younger sister or brother in 9 months. You know what I mean? I’m talking knocked-up.

The convo, per usual, takes a complete left turn and he ends up calling Jenelle trailer trash and storms out. Jenelle is left to cry in her bedroom alone whilst the camera crew awkwardly watches. Someone help this chick and get her some confidence pills. Only Barb can help her, which she kind of…almost does. Jenelle and Barb are driving around like two single chicks on the loose. They’re pretty much like the Thelma and Louise of our generation. And, you know what, I’d be ok if that car went over a cliff while the cops were chasing them. Barb, of course, would say, “Keep driving you lil bitch” and then Jenelle would just gun it. Ugh, here’s to dreaming!

Either way, Barb keeps telling Jenelle how proud of her she is for almost finishing school and how good she’s doing. Hmm that’s oddly supportive. I don’t know how to react to them when they’re not screaming at each other. Maybe even Jenelle was being kind of nice because she was hoping that she could ask Barb if she’d buy Kaiser from her. Poor Barb (literally). She has all these kids and doesn’t even get to do the fun part to get them! All of this was short lived because in scenes we’ve never seen evidently there was an altercation between Jenelle and Nathan over a cell phone and Nathan filed domestic assault charges on Jenelle. So, you guessed it, lawyer, mug shot…the works! Was it just me or is this lawyer even sick of Jenelle’s shit? She’s the absolute voice of reason, made great points and the only person who could fix Jenelle. Fix it, Jesus!

Meanwhile over in West Virginia, Leah is still in rehab NOT FOR DRUGS and her mom is taking care of all the girls who, really only seem to have meltdowns on the regular. Leah Facetime’s in from rehab NOT FOR DRUGS and all the girls go crazy. I’m talking screaming, crying and throwing fits. If I were Leah I’d be like, peace out I’m extending my stay by a year. I’ll be home when these kids grow the F up. Oh, you know the other thing I wanted to talk about for weeks now but always forget? Look, I am so happy that Ali Lastasha is doing so well, but what the hell happened to her wheelchair and not being able to walk correctly??!?! Again, it’s so great to see her without all that but it’s so odd because the last two season STRICTLY focused on the wheelchair and shots of her falling down when she was trying to walk on her own. I don’t think I’ve seen the wheelchair once this season and she’s running and playing and having fun. Great for her! Leah could prob use that chair when she’s falling asleep on camera.

Later, in an odd twist, Corey and Jeremy meet up for beers and talk about Jeremy’s divorce being finalized and how apparently bat shit crazy Leah really is. Jeremy claims that Leah is addicted to prescription pills and, you know what, I’d believe that….only because I’m pretty sure anxiety doesn’t make you fall asleep mid-sentence. I mean, it’s not narcolepsy. I want to know how long these two were having beers before they got the liquid coverage to trash talk Leah on camera? Eh, good for them. They had a good point saying that if the roles were reversed they’d never be able to see their kids again. They’re pretty much correct on that.

Sidenote, I also like how Leah had to get her divorce finalized via a phone call. Divorces are so easy now, y’all! By the end, Leah finally calls back in to say hi to everyone and her mom thinks she sounds great and seems happy. Looks like 2 days of rehab NOT FOR DRUGS is really helping. She can now cope with things. I wonder if they give her skills like “how to brush your hair” and “how to stay awake while filming a show and holding a baby.” I hope so. Those skills are necessary.

Kail. Blah. I have to admit Kail better get crazy and get crazy quick because all of her scenes are the worst, for me. I usually get up and do other things. I’m kidding. I, of course, close my eyes and try to take the world’s quickest nap. Jo is missing all of Issac’s dumb stuff and so Kail thinks she should go to court to have them adjust her child support, basically to punish Jo. Yawn. Oh, and while I don’t normally comment on Chelsea I have to admit she really does seem the most well adjusted and probably shouldn’t be on this show. She could totally stop that chronic baby voice, but other than that she’s doing well. God bless.