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If Amber Wasn’t “Sexy-Dancing” Whilst Intoxicated I’m Gonna Be Angry

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Cotton candy sweet and low, let me see that tootsie roll (I said) tootsie roll. To the left, to the left, to the right, to the right, to the front, to the front.  Now dip, baby dip.  I said now, dip baby dip.

This is exactly what plays in my head every time I see Amber on TV or read something about Amber online.  And, I swear to Jesus and his teen mom, Mary, that if MTV cameras weren’t rolling while Amber was allegedly caught drinking and mixing her pills I’m going to be pissed!  You KNOW she was “sexy-dancing” like nobodies business all whilst Gary played the guitar and Leah tried to throw herself out the second story window (she seems like she’s always wanted to make the news for that).

According to the drunkards over at (Get a) Life & (Some) Style Magazine, Teen Mom’s Amber Portwood was out at some random party doing some of the “underage drinking” that’s all “the rage” with “the kids” these days.  Here’s a few bullets (your favorite) of what went down:

  • Amber got “rowdy” at the party (aka “sexy-danced” her ass off)
  • Tossed back some shots of Vodka and posed with the bottle (you know there are some with “duck lips” kisses and “peace fingers” for her Facebook default!  Ugh, it’s Amber so let’s change that from Facebook to Myspace.  Garbage heap.)
  • Made out with Jesse Austin (porn star or semi-professional wrestler?) who is 20 years old and a landscaper (lofty).
  • Allegedly pulled out a bottle of pills and said she had to watch what she drinks because she’s on something (something or many-things?)
  • Apparently Gary’s truck buddy told the magazine that Amber is taking Klonopin (sidenote: my spell-check wanted to change that to Klondike! haha, awesome!  Gary is totally on Klondike).
  • Best Yet:  Recently, since breaking up with Gar, Amber has been on many dates, including a night out at (wait for it) Buffalo Wild Wings  with her date (wait for it…wait for it) Clint Yunker.  Although, now that Amber is a “star” we should say she was caught kanoodling.

Clearly, ba da ba ba ba I’m lovin’ it.  Now if only we could get equal coverage on Debra and her trash claw I would be content.  I’d like to cross these kinds of requests off my list to Santa Christ.

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