12 Days of a Harriet Carter Christmas: On the 10th Day of Christmas…

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On the 10th Day of Christmas, my white-trash love gave to me 10 Colonial Drivers, 9 Dead Nana’s, 8 Santa Blowers, 7 Ornament Hookers, 6 Crappy Church Jokes, 5 Instant Christmas Tree Wall Stickers, 4 “Diva Las Vegas” Whorebears, 3 Magnetic Eyeglass Holders, 2 Pussy Ticklers, and a Failure Model Chick in a pear tree!

On the 10th Day of Christmas: Hey there grumpy driver! Why the long face? What is it? What do you see girl? Is that yellow lightning bolt that’s coming out of your cheek starting to burn? Or are you embarrassed by the yellow arrow that they’ve placed 2 centimeters from your old crotchola? I like to think that I’ve been in many cars, yet at no time did the seat-belt go across half my face. I mean I understand them trying to protect other drivers lives by not showing all of this chicks ugly face, but strike her with lightning? That’s a little harsh even for me. Just kidding, hit her with a bolt or two. Maybe that will sizzle out that hairsprayed rats nest on her head. Anyway, what kind of car is this chick driving? I’ve yet to see this car model on the road. Perhaps it’s one of those new hybrids that all the kids are wild about? It seems spacious. In fact I’m pretty sure this lady is driving her living-room around town. Yup, I see walls in the background. Oh, and I’m pretty sure she’s using an actual Ferris-wheel as her steering wheel. How the hell big is that? Seriously this lady and car are a complete mess. Wait a second. Excuse me Miss? Yes, you Miss. Driver? Yes you. I have a question. Um, why are you wearing “Colonial” clothing? Yes, you are actually wearing clothes from the “yesteryear” box in your basement. Now were you the actual “Miracle Worker” that helped out Helen Keller or did you just rob her grave for this photo-shoot? I believe you can only wear that outfit if you’re driving a traditional horse and buggy. Wait are you? Thanks Harriet for “cheaping out” and making this chick drive her living room around in Amish clothing.

…and a Failure Model Chick in a pear treeeeeee!