12 Days of a Harriet Carter Christmas: On the 9th Day of Christmas…

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On the 9th Day of Christmas, my white-trash love gave to me, 9 Dead Nana’s, 8 Santa Blowers, 7 Ornament Hookers, 6 Crappy Church Jokes, 5 Instant Christmas Tree Wall Stickers, 4 “Diva Las Vegas” Whorebears, 3 Magnetic Eyeglass Holders, 2 Pussy Ticklers, and a Failure Model Chick in a pear tree!

On the 9th Day of Christmas: Night night Nana! Say goodnight to Grandma, kids! She’s just about ready to take the ultimate dirt nap so you better kiss her hairy lip goodbye now. At least she looks happy to be going and she has a smile and a face full of makeup on to prove it. Just keep zipping it Nana, just keep zipping it! Kids, go and pick out your best tie and your best dress and shine up them shoes because Nana just invited you to a party! No no, there won’t be a pinata or pin-the-tail on the donkey, but there will be coffee cake, some candles, and you’ll get to poke at Nana while she’s laying down inside a very fancy cherry coffin. “Yes” that is a nice cherry finish on the coffin. Nothing but the best for Nana! Seriously, way to teach kids how to place bags over their heads and faces. Don’t try this at home….unless you’re out of options…then give it a whirl. Night night Nana! I’ll be in touch via my Ouija Board!

…and a Failure Model Chick in a pear treeeee!