Harriet Carter Makes Dying Super Easy

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Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday! It is always quite surprising the amount of emails I get about my Harriet Carter product highlights. This time I got an anonymous tip that Harriet Carter also sells a “Do-It-Yourself Living Will Kit.” How could I have missed something like this? I hate when the tips are “anonymous.” Oh well…let’s go!
Product # 1 – Do you like to confuse your young children? Not just confuse them with “normal things,” but things that can actually kill them? Well Harriet is on your side and offers you this very nice “rubber duck radio” for the bathtub. This duck floats around in your filthy tub and allows you to listen to your favorite songs. Sure, this product is safe, but what happens when the batteries die? I can see it now. Little kids all over the US will be tossing an actual radio in the tub with them. Good thinking Harriet. As a side note, this picture looks gross. It looks like the kind of tub that they use in 70’s porn. And how come there is literally like one inch of water in the tub? Who takes a bath in such shallow water? I can only hope that Harriet takes a nice bubble bath and someone tosses in a blender…oh, or a microwave. Good luck Harriet! Yes, I went there. I know, I crossed the line.
Product # 2 – If it’s not horses, it’s pillows. Harriet loves nothing more than a pillow with a nice saying embroidered on it. On this pillow it says, “A granddaughter is sunshine, flowers, and rainbows.” I think it’s actually kinda an insult. First off “sunshine?” The sun causes cancer or can burn you. Flowers? Yeah flowers can make you sneeze, give you watery eyes, and make some people lose their voices. Rainbows? Don’t rainbows usually symbolize gay people? So basically Nana is saying that granddaughters cause cancer, give you allergies, and are lesbians. Real nice Harriet. Not to mention that that pillow looks like it wreaks of cigarette smoke. Don’t ask me why, but when I look at it I can almost smell the nicotine. And I bet it has all cat hair all over the back of it Gross and gross. No thanks Harriet. I’m sure “granddaughter” will be tossing this pillow in your coffin before they close the top.
Product # 3 – You should know by now how badly I want to model for the Harriet Carter catalog. No joke, it would be a dream of mine. Look at this chick with the pig hat on her head. Yes, pig hat. Seriously, what? Why would you ever need to wear that? You wouldn’t. Not even for a Halloween costume. When you pull the strings the wings flap and then guess what? Pigs fly. Very funny Harriet. I love it when you state the obvious. They should have a hat in the shape of a horses ass that only Harriet is allowed to wear. Oh, and the look on this girls face is priceless. First off, she has “man face” but second of all you know she’s thinking, “I quit school and moved to LA to become a model and I’m wearing a pig on my head.” Yeah you are sweetie! Now go call you parents and tell them how you got your big break! Just think, this could be the biggest thing you ever do. Wearing a pig hat. Pig. Hat. I’ll help you write the suicide note.
Product # 4 – After an anonymous tip from an IBBB reader I found the good old, “Do-It-Yourself Living Will Kit.” In case the title isn’t self explanatory you can write your own will. This one is a home run for me as the description that Harriet gives on the product is better and funnier than anything I could ever write. Ever. It says:

Do-It-Yourself Living Will Kit in case you become incapacitated or terminally ill. Legally binding, specific instructions inform family and physicians of your intention to “die with dignity” if nothing more can be done medically. Protects family from this agonizing decision. Takes only minutes to complete.

Haha I LOVE this. “Die with dignity?” Seriously, you just filled in a do-it-yourself will. How much dignity can you have? What are you really planning on leaving your family? If this is your legally binding will your items you will probably leave to your family will consist of the following: ketchup, old bowling shoes, three # 2 pencils, a tin-foil ball, and mousetraps. This thing only takes minutes to complete. Now you know it’s official! I hope Harriet fills this out. I wonder what she’ll leave me? I hope something that has to do with horses. R.I.P.
That ends another episode of “Happy Harriet Carter Wednesday’s of Our Lives.”