Harriet Carter Wednesday: Ode to Death

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I think it’s perfect that Britney technically had to hand over her kids on such a glorious day. Harriet Carter Wednesday! Are you having a happy one? There are MAJOR changes with Harriet Carter postings. Major! Ok, well just the format is changing a bit. Apparently having to scroll up and down to view the picture and then read the commentary is too much for some to handle. I was trying to promote finger exercises, but whatever. So, PRESTO. New format. Enjoy. Let’s see what Harriet Carter is forcing on us this week. Let’s go…

Product # 1 – Hey pretty! Smile for the camera! After Harriet was done blowing pillows, she’s moved on to magnets and this one is a real hoot. It says, “My Daughter is My Priceless Treasure.” Yeah, no that’s sweet. If she meant “My Daughter is Priceless Trash” then I’m all on board. What in the name of all that is good and pure in the world is wrong with that lady? Is that Laura Bush? I bet she was in a wedding. What a disaster. Is she wearing a halo and a curtain? And is that a black bird on her dress? Pretty. Yeah, your daughter is so priceless that you spent a whopping $4.95 on a magnet for her. And is this the most up-to-date photo you have of her? The early 80’s must have been a blast for you guys. Oh wait, unless she’s dead. Then I feel kind of bad. Actually, I don’t. They have photoshop. You could have photoshopped a more up-to-date outfit on her. Perhaps something with crotchless panties? Go with it.

Product # 2 – Speaking of death….this beautiful plastic cross says, “Forever in our Hearts.” Really? It should say, “Forever in our Heart…Never in our Wallet.” Poor grandpa is taking a permanent dirt nap and this is how you honor him? Is he buried in the front yard? If my math serves me right, grandpa lived about 145 years and what better way to help push him to Jesus then with a $19.95 “stick in the lawn” cross. I mean, don’t feel bad that he risked his life to come over to this country and probably caught scurvy just so you could have a better life. No, no this plastic cross is all the thanks he needs. However, I must say “props” to Harriet Carter for actually shooting this cross picture on a real lawn. Usually that filthy whore uses that fake grass that white trash families use to cover their patios. You know which one I’m talking about, right?

Product # 3 – Now if you know me at all, you know what an avid animal lover I am and by “avid animal lover” I mean I would kick a dog and/or cat if it came within 257 feet from me. Anyway, on with the “Death Parade” that Harriet seems to love. Sure this doggy picture frame says, “A House is Not a Home Without a Dog.” One would think this dog was alive? Yeah, no. Take another look. “Ladybug” is dead. And what in the hell is wrong with its back leg? Is it supposed to be the size of a pencil? I say they should have amputated it and replaced it with a carrot or something. This dog looks like it stinks too. Take a bath you filthy disease infested animal. Oh and “Ladybug?” Yeah, cute name. I’m sure you died of natural causes and not from the other neighborhood animals beating the bag out of you. This picture frame should really say, “A House is not a Clean Home…With a Dog.” And you know the owners of this nasty beast let it drink out of the toilet and then lick the egg beater while the fatass mother makes brownies. Yeah, and then she brings them into work on “bring a dessert” day at work (it exists). And then I’m offered the brownies. And then I eat one. And then she tells me that “Ladybug” helped her bake. And then I vomit.

Harriet Carter Wednesday: Ode to Death
Harriet Carter