MTV's Jersey Shore: Santa Christ Does Exist and He Loves Me.

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Now I don’t want to oversell this, but MTV’s “Jersey Shore” is possibly the best thing to ever happen to our country and that includes the ending of slavery, the right for women to vote, and just plain old overall freedom.  If there was ever a time where I questioned the existence of Jesus Claus, Santa Christ, or the rest of the Holy Trinity (the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria), I am now a full-on believer.  I can finally stop my letter writing campaign to congress and cancel my march on Capitol Hill because “Jersey Shore” will be starting on Dec 3rd.  Christmas has come early (giggity).

I mean, the commercial alone was enough to make me do “guido surprise” in my pants.  The premise for the show is that they take 8 “guidos” and place them in a….wait for it…..wait for it….check on your kids…..wait for it….slap your momma….wait for it……a Jersey Shore house and cameras follow them whilst hijnks ensues.  There’s a lot of AquaNet, a lot of fist pumping, a lot of “BumpIt” placement, a lot of pit-stains, and enough fake tanning to make George Hamilton roll over in his grave (I know he’s still alive, but one day this joke will be relevant).

One girl gets all defensive and lets us know that she was the one “who started the friggin poof” while she points to her hair.  She is very proud of this and feels the need to take full credit for this.  Yikes.  One “kid” who looks about 42 tells us that if “hating is your occupation, I probably have a full time job for you.”  And you know what?  He does.  I will make this show my full time job.  Recession OVER!