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Newport Harbor: The Prom. Yeah!

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It’s another craptastic episode of “Newport Harbor: Laguna Beach 4 – Return to The Hills 3.” This is a very special episode because not only do we get to fully experience 3 generations of Steve Sanders (Steve Sanders Jr., Steve Sanders, and Steve Sanders), but it’s also the Prom episode where everyone will sneak attack their perspective dates like kamikaze pilots and ask them to “Prom.” Why they don’t put “the” before “prom” is beyond me. Anyway, here’s how this crap went down:
  • Steve Sanders Jr and Allie exchange “guess who will go to the prom with who” games. I secretly hope a tsunami appears out of nowhere and puts these two out of their misery.
  • Prom Attack # 1 – Steve Sanders Jr. asks Sasha to go to the prom by making a ghetto poster that says, “Prom with G.” Sasha is shocked by this (as if she didn’t season any of the Laguna Beach episodes) and asks if he really thought of this himself. Really, was she impressed by this? Yes, he spent all day thinking up the most creative plan of standing out of his sunroof and holding up a poster. Pure brilliance. I now wish the tsunami would come after me.
  • Prom Attack # 2 – Allie is at dinner with her douche bag dad and Chase sneak attacks her with a red carnation ans asks her to “Prom.” She looks so shocked. Maybe she didn’t get a copy of the script?
  • Prom Attack # 3 – Clay and Chrissy go out on the boat into Newport Harbor. There’s a big banner hanging off the bridge that says “Chrissy, Prom?” I now wish that the bridge would collapse on them. I mean it happened in Minnesota, so I figured there was a chance?
  • As a side note, I would like to change the name of this show from Newport Harbor to “Douche Bag Creek.” Who’s with me?
  • Allie wins the award for asking Chase literally 2,000 questions. No joke she was like The Riddler. She’s the worst. This show is the worst. This makes me the worst. “Douche Bag Creek” – 1, IBBB – 0.
  • So what’s up with Chrissy’s mom? Is she like a crazy MILF? She seems more crazy than MILF-y.
  • Is Allie wearing her bathrobe to the prom? I’m confused.
  • Alright! Here’s the seasons first, “Can you believe this is our last prom” comment. I feel like we’re only minutes away from a drunken limo ride home that ends in tears.
  • I’m shocked that Steve Sanders Jr isn’t wearing a top hat and sporting a cane. I would have bet my entire bank account ($13.75) that he was going to be “that kid.”
  • Scratch my previous comment. Allie is wearing the silky bathrobe that Peg Bundy used to wear in “Married with Children.”
  • Awesome! And cue the limo scene where everyone just screams “woooo!” Wooooo! Owww! Yeah! Prom!
  • Seriously I love this shit. And cue the scene (that they used in Laguna Beach) where they use actual ghetto video camera footage. They did the SAME thing in the 90210 prom where Brenda really “got down.” I believe moments after that Brenda became a woman.
  • Everyone just continues to yell “Woooo!” and “Owwwww!”
  • Even better. The after-party. People aren’t drinking out of keg cups, but “office coffee cups” instead.
  • At one point Steve Sanders Jr is on a exercise bike and falls off. I love underage drinking.
  • Ok, it’s official. I lapsed into another coma. Feel free to fill me in and share you favorite moments of the last 5 minutes of the episode.

    Newport Harbor: The Prom. Yeah!