The Hills: The Hills Vegas Vacation

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I can’t even stand it. The Hills rule and by “The Hills” I mean Elodie. Scripted or not, Elodie is the unsung hero of this season of The Hills. The “Dirt Bag Gang” is heading to Vegas to surprise Brody for his 16th birthday. Between Lauren declaring Jihad on her liver from all the drinking she does, to the mystery of Justin Bobby, to Heidi saying her new favorite phrase “it’s just business” this will be an episode to remember and by “remember” I really mean “eat away at your brain.” Here’s how this crapisode “What Happens in Vegas” went down:
  • I love how Justin Bobby is going to Vegas with all the girls. I bet the conversation on the airplane will be award-winning.
  • Yay! It’s Heidi and Steve Sanders 1-year anniversary and they’ve done all the normal things a couple does in their first year together: (1) break up a friendship (2) move in together (3) get engaged. Circle of life, my friends, circle of life.
  • Steve Sanders has quite the treat planned for them that includes dinner, facials, the spa, and more than likely a little more plastic surgery. Hedi really should even out her “chin to nose” ratio.
  • Why won’t Steve Sanders tell his parents that he and Heidi are getting married? Do they not have a TV? Do they not watch The Hills? Do they not go to a grocery store and see pictures of him and Heidi all over the pages of US Weekly? We need to meet Steve Sanders parents STAT.
  • Waiting at the airport, Justin Bobby looks like a terrorist. Even though he has his guitar with him he still looks like he would blow up the plane.
  • Justin Bobby isn’t checking his luggage. He wants to just bring it on the plane. Yeah, you can’t bring 15 things with you on the plane, jackass.
  • Of course they’re staying at The Palms. MTV blows the Palms.
  • As my friend Maria text messaged me, why does Brody look like he has a claw? He’s like that dude from Inspector Gadget. He should be petting a cat.
  • Lauren and crew surprise Brody in Vegas because Lauren is such a national treasure that her surprising him really makes his life better. Is it really a surprise though? Wasn’t Brody wondering what a camera crew was doing in his hotel room. You’re not that interesting without Lauren. Relax.
  • Awesome. Justin Bobby rules and by “rules” I mean is a tool. When everyone “cheers” Brody for his birthday, Justin Bobby drinks his drink down before anyone can even cheers. Ok, so I admire that a little.
  • I love how Brody says “Thank you, everyone, for coming. I love all of you.” Really? Do you love Justin Bobby too? You don’t think it’s a little weird that he’s there? We’ve all had that friend of a friend that’s just kinda there and doesn’t really belong. It’s awkward. Although, I’ve never had a camera crew filming it before. That’s probably even more awkward.
  • Ok, back to Bolthouse and my new love, Elodie. Elodie tells the other random co-worker that she gave her notice. What’s strange is that she gave her notice and today is her last day. Confusing. Regardless, I heart Elodie and when she says, “daaa daaa duuuuuun” it makes me love her even more.
  • Wait, why is Heidi supposed to be working the Emmy’s? Wait, is that why the Emmy’s sucked this year? Well it’s Heidi’s anniversary and, apparently, that’s a national holiday so she can’t work it. Whatever will she do?
  • Ohhhh Heidi asks Elodie to cover for her for the Emmy’s. Elodie says, “anything for you” and Heidi says her favorite quote “it’s just business.” Wait, how is Elodie going to cover Heidi’s Emmy job if today is her last day of work? OH NO SHE DIDN’T! Brilliant. Seriously, I sweat Elodie. It’s such a “dirt-baggy” thing to do and I love it. I would do that. Brilliant.
  • Holy crap, Audrina and Justin Bobby show up for Brody’s party and no joke Justin Bobby looks like Richard Reid. You remember? Remember that guy that tried to blow up an airplane by lighting his shoes on fire? He was called the “shoe bomber.” No joke, it looks just like him. Forget it I have to add a picture now. See below:

  • Who the Christ is “Jill?” She’s Lauren’s friend? Uh yeah, no. Where the hell has this chick been before?
  • Why is Frankie all into the possible relationship of Heidi and Brody?
  • Quote of the season: “I just saw Lo’s Britney.” Wait, was that NOT a scripted moment? I don’t believe it.
  • Frankie and Lo are making out to “Gimme More” by Britney Spears. Great, now Brody and Lauren are making out to “Gimme More.” Stupid.
  • Why do Lauren and Brody just point to everything? Seriously, they just point.
  • What a surprise, Steven Sanders and Heidi go to that same tired restaurant for their anniversary. Oh and they’re at their same table. How cute and retarded.
  • Awesome, the whole “Dirt Bag Gang” is trashed. Lo tells Audrina that Justin Bobby hates them. Audrina gets all retarded and defensive, yet smiles as she yells. Oh, and then she looks into the camera. Awwwwkkkkwarrrrd.
  • Uh-oh, Heidi gets an important “business” call from a co-worker telling her that the event was a mess and that Elodie quit. Brilliant.
  • When Heidi tells Steve Sanders that she has to leave dinner to attend the event I literally think he’s going to hit her. He’s just deciding if he’ll hit her with a closed fist or an open fist. I vote for the closed fist.
  • Brilliant move, again, by Elodie. I hope this isn’t that last we see of her. She should make it her life’s mission to just F with Heidi.

The next few weeks on The Hills look even better. I hope there are 13,000 more episodes left this season. Heidi and Lauren have a confrontation, the sex tape is discussed, Jenn Bunney becomes friends with Lauren again, rumor has it Brody started the sex tape rumor, and Heidi tells Steve Sanders that he should “try working.” ALL AWESOME. God bless America!

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The Hills: The Hills Vegas Vacation